Her numerous friends come to see her as a fount of wisdom and good advice. Throughout the book Victorian strictures on sexual behavior crop up in terms of religious and social attitudes, and the legal prohibitions, punishments and obstacles in place. The book's portrayal of powerful women leads to their continual examining and testing the limits on their freedom and independence, on all of which Estella takes a tolerant and active view.

She develops two profound friendships: The first is with Charlotte Mudge, married to Oliver, an eccentric and increasingly disturbed Norfolk vicar who dies falling off a ladder at his church. Her support and friendship for Charlotte is enhanced by the fact that Charlotte's niece Elizabeth is in love with Albert, her step-son, who finds himself trapped in the Paris Commune.

More controversial for her friends is her loving relationship with Nellie Fletcher, wife of Pip's wartime comrade, now the blacksmith at Joe Gargery's forge. Estella and Nellie form an intimate relationship, rare in a mistress-servant context, but Estella explains to her friends how she sees her mother in Nellie and vigorously defends their Sapphic affiliation.