This isn't your standard autobiography. This is not about how thingy got on TV or how whatshisname did whatever. This is about me. A completely random unknown person and my first 20 years on this planet. I am better than all of those boring samey people and their samey books about the progression of their samey careers; which makes you better than them too, and better than the people who read those books. You don't hear stories from X or Y about urine, pooing habits, spit, nail guns, mackerel, wet floor signs, the structural integrity of doors, crispy milk, seagulls, spinny chairs, chicken nuggets, magic, wet suits, fighting, attempted murder, onions, criminal caricature artists, newspapers, cowboys, exploding pubs, war crimes and Tony Blair. Plus all the classic emotional topics like bullying, loneliness, romance, genetic conditions and stepladders.If you've ever wanted to find out someone's secrets or embarrassing stories, or wondered what the generic human being you saw on the bus has to hide then look no further. This is just for you. Over 60 of my most notable memories and stories, gossip and drama. Enjoy.