Dr. Sparky Pappalardo, or "Pap," is a complicated, underemployed academic who only wants to help her community college students. Instead, she ends up fighting callous and mendacious administrators bent on bilking students out of money, grades and careers. Worse, her boss reminds her of a rotifer, an underwater spinning animal with internal teeth. Learn a little painless biology and contemporary management theory as you join the nonbinary Pap and her quirky friends. The book includes homage to the iconic "Dude." The protagonists employ unconventional methods to solve the mystery of who is behind illegal fees, downward grade changes, punitive schedules, decaying infrastructure, alcoholism, sexual predation and other ills of academia. This contemporary novel will appeal to fans of humorous mysteries, such as those by Sue Grafton and Janet Evanovich, as well as academia satires such as "Wonder Boys," "Lucky Jim," "Straight Man," and "Moo." However, a look at these issues from a community college context will fill a new niche. The first in a "Phylum" series of satirical fiction. Cover art credit: Jonathan Wojcik